The winter holidays are once again upon us. For many, the season is a time of joyful celebration with family and friends. If you read that and gleefully thought, “Yep, it’s the best!” then stop reading here, this article isn’t for you. For the rest of us, the holidays can get complicated. This season can be a time of loneliness and despair and can trigger early childhood traumas and memories. Anxiety runs high as we prepare to be around family and friends who we avoid the other eleven months of the year. Whether you are staying home or traveling, there are some things you can do to help you stay emotionally regulated.

Let’s start at the end… It’s helpful to remember that the holidays will pass! Remembering that there will be a definite end to the triggeriffic parties and meetings is a first step in staying emotionally balanced and regulated. Most of us make it through a tough week at work by looking forward to Friday afternoon. Ah, sweet Friday! In the same way, keeping in mind that the holidays will end and that life will resume some form of normality may help you cope.

It’s not all about hunkering down until it’s over though. Those who struggle with the holidays often feel unwelcome amongst “all the happy people.” While it’s true that people gather together with friends and family this time of year, it’s not always true that you are unwelcome. Exclusion and isolation are separated by a very thin line, and depression can make it hard to tell the difference. So, reach out and see what comes back your way. You might be surprised how generous and supportive your friends can be if they know what you want and need (that’s a good rule for life, BTW). If it’s you who doesn’t feel comfortable, Los Angeles has several organizations that host community holiday celebrations. Who knows who you might meet?

Not strangers that put you off, but your very own family? We get it. If history tells you that they are apt to say something that angers or saddens you, try to find a safe spot – somewhere you can retreat when conversations become heated and triggering. Stepping away is a surprisingly simple way to avoid impulsive responses that that might not be helpful for you. Bathrooms and closets are often the perfect spot to breathe and emotionally regulate. It might also be helpful to take a walk or jaunt off to a nearby gym. Physical activity not only gives you the opportunity to de-escalate but also increases the flow of pleasurable neurons in the brain. Walk. Breathe. Repeat.

Let’s talk booze & drugs… It’s a good idea to minimize your intake of alcohol and other intoxicating substances, particularly if you already know you struggle with emotional regulation. Yes, alcohol is a depressant; however, the depressing agent inhibits your ability to make effective decisions such as thinking before speaking. While they may temporarily numb your feelings, drugs and alcohol actually decrease your ability to effectively regulate your emotions. In fact, some can even cause an unnecessary increase in negative emotions. If you find it difficult to limit your drug and alcohol use in order to face the holidays, it means you may be too reliant on external sources of regulation. Self-regulation is hard, but we’re here to help.

We at WILA wish you peace and happiness during the holidays, and all the best in 2016!

I’m Brant Anderson, one of the therapists you could see at Wright Institute Los Angeles where we offer Affordable Therapy for Everyday People!

Brant is a doctoral candidate at Pacifica Graduate Institute and draws from psychoanalytic and Jungian theories in his work with patients. He works with individuals on a variety of issues, and is particularly passionate about working with people who are dealing with such issues as grief and loss, trauma, and relationships, as well as sexual and gender identity.