For many people, including many patients and therapists, sex can be an uncomfortable topic. Maybe it’s part to blame on the way we are socialized to be embarrassed or ashamed if there is something different about the way we view and have sex, or also if we are open and excited about it.
Whatever the origins for this trend are, I believe that it’s essential that we talk about sex. Most of us do it, so why not talk about it?
Often, the things that come up around our sex lives, our sexual habits and our perspectives on sexuality have a lot to do with our lives, our habits, and our perspectives on life in general!
Thankfully, in many places around the country and the world, people are beginning to accept and celebrate many sexual behaviors, experiences and attitudes. We can join in on this trend by being open to reflect on our own sexual experiences, on where we get stuck or where it can be (emotionally and/or physically) painful, and also where we achieve wonderful pleasure and engage in play. Sharing these thoughts and the feelings that they stir in a safe space, either in your therapy or with your lover or a close friend, can be validating, awkward, liberating, onerous, exciting and intense, all at the same time. Sitting with the memories, the sensations in your body and the thoughts in your mind can lead you to discover parts of yourself that are connected with desire, shame, arousal, anger, sadness, exuberance, heartache, bliss, and so on and so forth.
So the next time that you uncover a memory from adolescence where, say, your sexual curiosity was shut down, or a recent enlivening erotic experience, consider sharing it with someone you trust and inviting associations or feelings from the other person, as a way to enrich and deepen your relationship with yourself and with the other person. If you are seeing a therapist and are debating what your comfort level is with him or her, it could be a good idea to share with him or her just that — that you are debating what your comfort level around sexual topics in therapy is. Hopefully, you can figure it out collaboratively and continue figuring it out during your time together. This process is likely to bring about related essential contents that you both may have not been able to previously see, facilitating further discovery of important parts of you.
I strongly believe that it’s worth it.
Our group of intern therapists at WILA focuses on facilitating a safe environment for our patients, so that a collaborative exploration around the way we live and love can happen. If you are curious to begin your therapy process around any memory, desire, or goal, please do not hesitate to contact us at (424) 371-5191. Learn more about our therapy team.