Imagine an on-screen clash between two armies. They are battling, strategically advancing and retreating. The thing is that you have no idea who these people are, or for what they are fighting. It’s just two groups of people who you can tell are really pissed off about something, but that’s all you’ve got. And because of your lack of information—because there’s no context to this conflict—you are left feeling a little disinterested. You’re thinking, “Geez, Chip and Joanna never fight like this.”

In order to feel invested in the story, you need some idea of what’s motivating each side. And, boy, we get really invested when we can identify one side as fighting for good against the forces of evil.

Star Wars is all about the struggles of good versus evil. We are confronted with the battles between the Galactic Empire and the Rebel Alliance. The fights between the Jedi and the Sith. And, on a more basic level, there is the tension between the “Dark” and “Light” sides of the Force.

And we always know for whom to cheer. Based on their costumes, actions, and associated musical pieces (the Imperial Death March, anyone?), even children watching the Star Wars films can identify with, and feel their hearts swell from, the good guys. All while also sneering at the bad guys. (Quick note: Han is still a good guy even though he undoubtedly shot first.)

We like Star Wars because many of its storylines can be seen in the black-and-white terms of good versus evil. But here’s the thing: George Lucas’ hugely popular franchise didn’t shape how we view the struggle of good vs. evil, or create within us a desire to see things in these black and white terms. Rather, this franchise became so popular because it played on our inherent tendency to view the world this way.

Within psychoanalytic theory, the school of Object Relations concerns itself mostly with the tension between good and bad “objects.” (“Object” is one way of talking about people, or, more specifically, the mental representations we have for people. But psychologists are very careful to stress that the term “object,” archaic as it might be, is not used pejoratively. Objects, like how it is used in the term “the object of one’s desire,” can be talked about lovingly and respectfully.)

Object Relations theorists point out how, early on in life, a child’s world is occupied with objects that are either “good” or “bad.” The parent who forgets to feed you is very “bad.” But that designation can be quickly changed once that same parent gives you some of that sweet, tasty baby food (Carrots!). And now that parent is “good.”

We never really grow out of seeing people in terms of good or bad. You’re lying in bed at night and you can’t sleep because all you’re thinking about is how pissed off you are at your co-worker, thinking, “God, he is the worst.” Or you can’t sleep because you just got home from a first date, and you are wondering if she is more of a cat or a dog person (or both!), and you’re already naming your first-born child, while thinking, “Man, she is the best.”

The trouble we get into, both as children and adults, is when we get stuck in these patterns of viewing people as wholly “good” or “bad.” It’s easier to see people as all-good or all-bad. The truth is, though, that people, unlike movie characters, can’t be viewed in black and white terms. It’s more accurate to think of people—and I hate myself for doing this—as shades of grey.

Imagine, there may actually be some bad things about the girl who, right now, seems like your most perfect soul-mate ever. For instance, she might fart a whole bunch in her sleep. Or, there might actually be some good things about your hated co-worker. He might spend his weekends volunteering at an animal shelter, and, even though he is allergic, has a real affinity for cats, especially that little three-legged one he lovingly calls “trooper.”

The people in our lives have good and bad parts. And we are challenged with being able to see these good and bad parts as creating a unique, complex whole. We have the difficult task of trying to see the forest, and not just the trees.

The same can be said of you, too. Sure, there might be some bad parts about you. Like that whole bed farting thing. And there are also some great parts, too. Can you welcome the good and the bad? Or are you too afraid to accept some of those things? Just be careful. We all know that fear… is the path to the dark side.

If you wish to take a closer look at these two sides, or if you feel that you usually default to black-and-white thinking but aim to expand your capacity to see more colors—consider reaching out to one of our therapists at WILA. Through therapy, you have the potential to explore all the different (and opposing) aspects of you and enhance your capacity to perceive the dark and light sides within yourself and within others. Call us at (424) 371-5191 to schedule an intake with one of our therapists.

I’m Kyle Kermott, one of the therapists you could see at Wright Institute Los Angeles where we offer Affordable Therapy for Everyday People!

Kyle is a doctoral candidate at the American School of Professional Psychology, San Francisco Bay Area. He has training working with adults and college-aged individuals on numerous issues such as anxiety and depression, relationship troubles, difficulties related to life transitions, and identity issues. He is passionate about psychoanalytic psychotherapy and working with his patients on discovering a life that feels real and authentic.